A Modern Wedding

PRIEST: Today all of you are 'attending' this 'event' to witness the wedding of Mr. Jonathan Samuels and Miss Katherine Hunches.

[Priest now addressing the groom]

PRIEST: Mr. Jonathan, Facebook profile id 657489354, in Facebook since January 2008, is willing to post on his Wall that he is married to Miss Katherine Hunches, tagging her in the same. Do you agree Jonathan?

JONATHAN: I do Father.

[Priest now addressing the bride]

PRIEST: Miss Katherine, Facebook profile id 785647353, in Facebook since June 2008, is willing to post on her Wall that she is married to Mr. Jonathan Samuels, tagging him in the same. Do you agree Miss Katherine?

KATHERINE: Yes Father…

[Someone suddenly barges into the hall and yells]

STRANGER: ‘End’ this wedding ‘session’!

PRIEST: Who are you son and why are you creating a scene?

STRANGER: I am Peter, the cab driver. I ‘report abuse’ this ongoing ‘event’.

JONATHAN [in anger]: You have not been granted ‘permission’ to RSVP this ‘event’. Don’t force us to ‘block’ you.

PETER: I can’t let this wedding go on. This is injustice. Katherine loves me.

[Everyone is aghast]

PETER [in a wailing tone]: Katherine, you love me, don’t you? ‘Comment’ on this ‘post’ of mine.

KATHERINE [stammering]: N…No. I don’t.

PETER [deeply surprised]: You’re lying Katherine. Just because you discovered my involvement in Mafia Wars, you just can’t marry someone in front of my eyes.

JONATHAN [in extreme anger]: Get out of here, you bloody ‘Crazy Cabbie’.

KATHERINE [in a committal tone]: Yes P...Peter please go away. Stop ‘attending’ my wedding

PETER: No Katherine, I can’t let you leave me. Don’t you remember the day I proposed you? You said you love the ‘Spaghetti and Meat Balls’ at ‘Mariah’s Café’. I had proposed you there and you had accepted my love. We had then celebrated the wonderful moment with a helping of ‘Delicious Chocolate Cake’ and your favorite latte. I am sure you ‘Like’d everything on that day. You can’t fake your feelings now by saying that you don’t remember anything.

JONATHAN [disturbed at this revelation; in low tone]: Is it true Katherine?

KATHERINE [stammering again]: N…No dear. I...I don’t even know him outside of Facebook.

PETER [eyes gleaming]: Lie! Lie! Katherine you can’t do this to me. You can’t just set ‘Privacy Settings’ on me. Tell me don’t you remember at all the times you have spent with me? Our trip to Treasure Island, the fun we had in CityVille, visiting a horde of Cafés in Café World every weekend. Don’t you remember anything? Will you lie in front of a priest?

KATHERINE [with discomfort]: Listen Peter I ‘Like’d you that’s it. I never loved you. I was with you only as a ‘Friend’. Now I am going to start a new life. And I wish to ‘Unfriend’ you from now on. So please allow us to carry on with the wedding. Please go away Peter. Please leave. Now.

PETER [in a weak tone; about to cry]: Is that all you could say Katherine? You know only two days back I had ‘updated’ my ‘status’ as being ‘in a relationship with’ you. You must have got a ‘notification’ for sure. Now you wish to ‘Unfriend’ me from your ‘account’. Ok. I am going. You will never find me in your ‘Friend Suggestion’ again. But remember, my ‘Profile’ will always haunt your ‘sessions’. You will never be at peace. [Now sobbing] Good bye Katherine. God bless your ‘Home’.

[Peter leaves the hall. People start murmuring]

PRIEST [taking control again]: So... Do you agree, Miss Katherine, Facebook profile id 785647353, to post on your Wall that you are married to Mr. Jonathan Samuels, tagging him in the same?

KATHERINE [in teary eyes]: Yes Father, I do.

PRIEST: The bride and groom may now come forward and update their statuses.

[The couple updates respective statuses on different computers]

PRIEST: The ‘Friends’ from either side may now kindly ‘Like’ the ‘updates’. With this I now declare Mr. Jonathan Samuels and Miss Katherine Hunches as lawfully wedded Husband and Wife. They may now come forward and ‘poke’ each other.

[Couple starts poking each other in glee]

PRIEST: This ‘event’ comes to an end. I request all of you sitting in front to come forward and bless the newly wedded couple by writing on their ‘Walls’ and then ‘Logout’ of the hall. May thy peace prevail Almighty.

---------------------------------------- Curtain Falls J ---------------------------------------------